Monday, January 23rd, 2012 at
6:05 pm
But why was the U.N. chasing Hoffnung?
How often does Fate offer us a golden opportunity to rid ourselves of our worst enemy? Not too often. In my case, it’s never happened. But hey — that’s life. However, in this week’s Horrorscope (all prognosticated by Mr. Mark Elf, Professional Astrologer and Mantological Utterer) we learn that the police were all over the top floors of the resplendent Splutt Building after a crime of almost shocking pettiness. But enough from me. Just click the link below if you want to see how the whole cops-and-robbers thing worked out.
Assume the position!
Monday, January 16th, 2012 at
4:56 pm
Parasites in the blood
Unfortunately, quite a number of the “humans” reading Mr. Mark Elf‘s latest Zodiacal offerings are infected with some sort of disgusting parasitic disease. Isn’t that amazing? Some “people” might think this is a fluke, but it might also be a protozoan attack or even some form of very long gut-worm. Best not to eat while reading this week’s column. You may be chowing down for two (or several million).
Click here for your free medical diagnosis
Wednesday, January 11th, 2012 at
2:20 pm
Werewolves with zits
Good day to everyone out there in Cyberland! We here at The Horror Movie Show have begun the year with a bang (we exploded our old accountant; he’d been taking a third smoke break so he had to go) and a series of devastating karate chops that effectively eliminated all the deadwood in our magnificently resplendent offices here on the penthouse floors of the fabulous Splutt Building, located closer than you think.
As to the movies reviewed this week by Mark & Jerry, your savage & unnatural hosts, we have a rather mixed or mongrel collection. We begin with The Howling: Reborn. This flick is aimed at the same youngsters and multi-feline owners as the Twilight series, so be warned. The made-for-TV film Doomsday Prophecy is discussed. And we end this episode with a review of Dog Soldiers, an excellent werewolf movie from 2002, recommended by a listener of our very own Horror Movie Show (thanks!). Hope that’s meaty enough for you all to bury your gorey fangs.
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Monday, January 9th, 2012 at
8:48 pm
Is 2012 the last year for Humanity?
Many believe that sometime during the coming 12-month period, the Earth will be laid waste and the wretched refuse of the human race will be wiped out in an absolutely colossal cataclysm that makes an excellent screenplay. Whether it will be Bruce Willis or John Cusack grabbing the last seat on the Mars Express off this burning chunk of detritus does not really matter. What matters is that I am on that rocket. Problem is, I don’t know where the rocket is. Oh well, maybe these end-of-worlders are just loons and there’s nothing to worry about…. Here’s the link to this week’s Horrorscope:
Normally I’m not the sort of person who worries, but…
Oh god, we’re all gonna die…. We’re all gonna die!!! Let me on that rocket! LET ME ON THAT ROCKET! PLEASE! BRUCE! JOHN! DON’T LEAVE WITHOUT ME, CAMERON DIAZ! I LOVE YOU!!!
Wednesday, January 4th, 2012 at
5:06 pm
A New Year of horror begins…
And we’re not even including the further Republican idiocies that will be foisted upon us. Turn your hearing aid off now.
Happy 2012 to all our various listeners, fans, evil-wishers & assorted halflings! We here at The Horror Movie Show sincerely hope that you all had a wonderful Xmas, etc. and are ready to face the coming year with verve and the sort of cockeyed optimism displayed by Billy Mumfries in that MS Elaine was supposed to read.
This, of course, is all beside the point: in this latest episode, Jerry & Mark are ready to “fill you in” on a newish television series out of the Excited States via the Flaming Pit of Hell. American Horror Story is not the only horror series on TV at the moment — haha, it is to laugh — but at least it doesn’t focus on teenagers and their need to suck. Blood, I mean. As well, your poor, put-upon hosts have been forced to watch Paranormal 3, arguably the worst sequel made to a movie so bad it doesn’t deserve a single sequel. It deserves only condemnation & scorn. Heap it on there, people.
Also reviewed: the lacklustre A Haunting in Salem and 11-11-11, an interestingly downplayed horror flick. That’s a nice change. Happy new year!
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