Wednesday, May 16th, 2012 at
4:06 pm
An eclectic mix of horror flicks
Good day to you, horror fan. You have knowingly or unknowingly dropped into the latest podcast from Mark & Jerry, those sons of fun who bring you The Horror Movie Show. This episode includes reviews of Captivity — directed by Oscar favourite Roland Joffé for some incomprehensible reason — Inkubus (starring Robert Englund), The Caller, the fine Eden Lake and Dead Birds.
What with the weather getting warmer (at least in the Northern or “better” Hemisphere), here’s a tip for all those who collect body parts. It doesn’t matter if the parts come from a hitchhiker or your mother, warmer weather means quicker spoilage of your souvenirs. Always remember to keep your trophies cool till you can get them into the preserving chemicals.
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Monday, May 14th, 2012 at
3:58 pm
Beware a false sense of security
Your most dangerous foe — the insane-in-the-brain next-door neighbour who wears the reflective tinfoil hat to ward off space beams — has mysteriously gone on holidays. He seems to have sublet his apartment to a whole roomful of crazy maniacs and it sounds like they are coming for you.
On a lighter note, people born this week smell like petunias and tend to grow one leg much longer than the other. This could be a problem, unless they live on a steep hill and travel only in one direction.
You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din
Wednesday, May 9th, 2012 at
1:06 pm
Horror movies soothe sore, stretched T-zone
Some doctors are bound to agree: nothing works on your T-zone like a solid dose of horror movies!
These quite-possibly mythical medicos recommend listening to The Horror Movie Show, hosted in the usual fashion by Jerry & Mark. In this episode several flicks are examined for signs of life, including John Carter, the tale of a civil war soldier who winds up being a superman on Mars. Sounds plausible. Also in the red-dusty mix is ATM, a low-budget but interesting thriller starring the megalovely Alice Eve.
The always-watchable Danny Dyer plays a most affable loony in the Brit-flick Deviation. And last but by no means least, the boys discuss Trail of the Screaming Forehead, one of the better intentionally funny horror flicks of the last couple of years.
And please — the next time you watch a horror movie, notice the soothing effect on your T-zone, the line that runs from shoulder-to-shoulder and from your clavicle to your duodenum. Unlike harsh comedies or heart-clogging romances, horror movies help eliminate unwanted tension and free up your critical Panic Gland. Nothing works like a horror movie to unstrangulate your large bowel and open up your pyloric valve. Yes, nine out of 10 semi-legit doctors agree: horror movies soothe your T-zone.
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Monday, May 7th, 2012 at
8:24 pm
A house united against one man
There comes a time in the affairs of all men… uh… and women… umm… just about everybody, I guess. Doesn’t matter who you are, really. Eurgh. This is going badly. I’ll start again.
Into everyone’s life, a little rain must fall. For some of us, that bit of precip will be as a soothing shower that both cleanses and refreshes. For others, it will come as a downpour of Biblical proportions, washing away everything you own, your life to be finally deposited in a quagmire of filth, hopelessness and degradation.
And that’s the good news!
We here at hmpod.com are slightly more than just the tiniest bit proud to present another dozen Horoscopicologically Accurate Prognostications (HAP), divined by the venerable Mr. Mark Elf, a giant among hamsters. Please feel free to follow Mr. Elf’s advice, unless you’re looking at that recipe for Chicken Salad he wrote about a couple of weeks back. That has already killed 20. Film at 11.
Should I mention Elvis? I’d like to mention Elvis
Tuesday, May 1st, 2012 at
5:17 pm
Nicolas Cage relights blazing skull dude
Hello everyone. You have fallen into the sonic blast radius of The Horror Movie Show, hosted by the ever-quivering Jerry & Mark. This episode, the feckless duo fearlessly dissect Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. The first instalment in this comic-book-inspired series was silly; can the sequel surpass it? Jerry then expounds upon Jennifer’s Body. And what a body it is — that Megan Fox is passably attractive, I must say, even with suspected toe-thumbs. Jerry also, for no apparent reason, recommends the mockumentary Paul McCartney Really Is Dead: The Last Testament of George Harrison, a wacky look at both the Beatles and conspiracy theories. Following that, the boys each have some strong opinions about Dave Foley‘s Monster Brawl. ”These are the stinkers I know I know, these are the stinkers I know….”
To wrap this edition of The Horror Movie Show podcast, Mark & Jerry discuss the 2011 documentary Corman’s World: Exploits of a Hollywood Rebel. Long considered the master of the B-movie (The Raven, Death Race, 1955′s The Fast and the Furious), Roger Corman deserves more credit than that. Corman’s method of hiring up-and-comers to write and direct movies on shoestring budgets and tight deadlines was a proving ground for dozens of creative types, from Martin Scorsese and John Sayles to Tommy Lee Jones and Jack Nicholson. This is an entertaining documentary any movie buff will love.
The title of the Coen Bros. movie with J.K. Simmons as the CIA manager is Burn after Reading. Now feed me, Seymour! Feed me!
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