Horrorscopes by Mark Elf

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Do you know where your deity is?

It may be later than you think. Or earlier. All depends on whether you’ve got an accurate wristwatch. If not, this is the perfect time to allow Mr. Mark Elf, prognosticator and major-league irritant, to give you a genuine, personal Horoscopocologically astute reading. If you cannot detect the exacting truth in each and every one of these mantological utterances, then we will gladly refund your money. (However, you have to send us your money first.)

This way to the most truth you’ll view all day

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