Sunday, January 29th, 2012 at
9:22 pm
Did you step in something?
What with the world today being more peaceful and benign than it has been for more than twenty minutes, there is still one issue that should be addressed — and soon! That is the problem of disgusting bacteria and the fact that they are slowly but inexorably taking over control of this entire planet from the species that is supposed to be running things. If you don’t agree that human beings should be in charge, it’s likely you’re not a member of the same race as the rest of us and we must ask you to leave. Thank you for your cooperation.
Click this button, then go wash up
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Monday, January 23rd, 2012 at
6:05 pm
But why was the U.N. chasing Hoffnung?
How often does Fate offer us a golden opportunity to rid ourselves of our worst enemy? Not too often. In my case, it’s never happened. But hey — that’s life. However, in this week’s Horrorscope (all prognosticated by Mr. Mark Elf, Professional Astrologer and Mantological Utterer) we learn that the police were all over the top floors of the resplendent Splutt Building after a crime of almost shocking pettiness. But enough from me. Just click the link below if you want to see how the whole cops-and-robbers thing worked out.
Assume the position!
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Monday, January 16th, 2012 at
4:56 pm
Parasites in the blood
Unfortunately, quite a number of the “humans” reading Mr. Mark Elf‘s latest Zodiacal offerings are infected with some sort of disgusting parasitic disease. Isn’t that amazing? Some “people” might think this is a fluke, but it might also be a protozoan attack or even some form of very long gut-worm. Best not to eat while reading this week’s column. You may be chowing down for two (or several million).
Click here for your free medical diagnosis
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Wednesday, January 11th, 2012 at
2:20 pm
Werewolves with zits
Good day to everyone out there in Cyberland! We here at The Horror Movie Show have begun the year with a bang (we exploded our old accountant; he’d been taking a third smoke break so he had to go) and a series of devastating karate chops that effectively eliminated all the deadwood in our magnificently resplendent offices here on the penthouse floors of the fabulous Splutt Building, located closer than you think.
As to the movies reviewed this week by Mark & Jerry, your savage & unnatural hosts, we have a rather mixed or mongrel collection. We begin with The Howling: Reborn. This flick is aimed at the same youngsters and multi-feline owners as the Twilight series, so be warned. The made-for-TV film Doomsday Prophecy is discussed. And we end this episode with a review of Dog Soldiers, an excellent werewolf movie from 2002, recommended by a listener of our very own Horror Movie Show (thanks!). Hope that’s meaty enough for you all to bury your gorey fangs.
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Monday, January 9th, 2012 at
8:48 pm
Is 2012 the last year for Humanity?
Many believe that sometime during the coming 12-month period, the Earth will be laid waste and the wretched refuse of the human race will be wiped out in an absolutely colossal cataclysm that makes an excellent screenplay. Whether it will be Bruce Willis or John Cusack grabbing the last seat on the Mars Express off this burning chunk of detritus does not really matter. What matters is that I am on that rocket. Problem is, I don’t know where the rocket is. Oh well, maybe these end-of-worlders are just loons and there’s nothing to worry about…. Here’s the link to this week’s Horrorscope:
Normally I’m not the sort of person who worries, but…
Oh god, we’re all gonna die…. We’re all gonna die!!! Let me on that rocket! LET ME ON THAT ROCKET! PLEASE! BRUCE! JOHN! DON’T LEAVE WITHOUT ME, CAMERON DIAZ! I LOVE YOU!!!
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