Wednesday, April 11th, 2012 at
2:41 pm
He’s back… and he’s beautiful
Okay, maybe the world’s greatest action star is not beautiful, but Arnold Schwarzenegger has always come back — just the way he promised. And he’s even made a few good movies along the way.
From the unintentionally funny early movies, such as Hercules in New York, to his first great movie — James Cameron‘s The Terminator — Schwarzenegger had a charisma that led him all the way to becoming California governor. And he’s made enough intentionally horrific movies, including the first and best Predator flick and End of Days, to earn an in-depth overview of his acting career here on The Horror Movie Show, hosted by those two 98-pound weaklings, Mark & Jerry.
So sit back, shoot yourself full of anabolic steroids and let The Horror Movie Show pump you up!
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Monday, April 9th, 2012 at
6:16 pm
I will only repeat this once!
Well, that’s not really true. I’ll repeat it all day, everyday, for the rest of my term as mayor of this stinkin’ burg. And why not? It’s an important message and one that must be heard. No, it has nothing to do with Global Warming or the fact Mitt Romney has been known to spit-roast Mexican babies — even when he’s not hungry. Nor is it a call to take up arms and overthrow the Chilean dictatorship. No, this is a really important message! Really, really important!
Please, click me & then… kiss me!
Wednesday, March 28th, 2012 at
9:16 pm
The nonstop horror barrage
Welcome to the latest episode of The Horror Movie Show, the best horror movie podcast in the entire known universe. If you don’t believe us, just try listening to the crap being broadcast from the central plexus of Galaxy M-147B! Whew, stinko!
With literally trillions of horror movies being released every day, it might seem an impossible task to watch every one of them. And, of course, it is impossible. But our hapless hosts Jerry & Mark do manage to review The Darkest Hour, Skeleton Lake, The Skeleton Key, The River and Two-Headed Shark Attack.
The Darkest Hour sees a small group of American friends trapped in Moscow as aliens attempt to conquer the planet with really cool disintegration beams. Skeleton Lake and The Skeleton Key are both movies with “skeleton” in the title. The River is a TV movie and Two-Headed Shark Attack is like having a mouthful of warm chum, so to speak.
Let’s hope that there are no two-headed sharks listening to this episode. I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
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Saturday, March 24th, 2012 at
5:43 pm
It’s all about filling the belly
Unlike various ocean-based lifeforms, it is difficult for human beings to live on microscopic zoöplankton and phytoplankton. The sorts of things that humans eat are many and varied, some of them coming in a nice licorice flavour.
All this is neither here nor there. The fact is that you are about to be in a world of hurt, thanks to the federal revenue department. Time to pack up and flee the country! Quick! NOW!!!
Or it may be that I’m just making this stuff up. Heck, it’s not the first time I’ve lied to you people.
See, the fact is, I don’t think anybody is reading this. I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open and I’m writing it. What possible worth does this bit of nonsense have in the Grand Scheme of Things? Well, it turns out that it has a lot of worth. This brief bit of gibberish could be worth more money than the richest man in the world keeps in his secret underground vault. Not the one where he keeps his gold; I mean the other one. The one with the gold is pretty cool though. The guy’s even got a chaise longue set up so he can just sip a tall, cool beverage as he gazes languorously at his enormous golden pile….
I’m sorry. Where was I? I think the subject is food. And I just heard the microwave oven bell indicating my Extra Fatman’s Supper is ready. Let’s eat!
Click me & get great value for your dollar
Friday, March 23rd, 2012 at
3:21 pm
Vampires and lycans and wolves, oh my!
Celebrate The Horror Movie Show‘s Diamond Jubilee Episode with mumbling, spluttering hosts Mark & Jerry. On this week’s show, the goofballs discuss a couple of fairly recent horror flicks: Underworld: Awakening and arctic survival tale The Grey.
Lovely, skinny Kate Beckinsale reprises the role of Selene once again in the latest Underworld sequel. By this time in the rather haphazard series, the werewolves have been hunted by humans to the point of extinction and the vampires are next. The battle would appear to be between Kate’s crew and us fearful vampire-killers (are we really supposed to take the bloodsuckers’ side?).
One might think that Liam Neeson could do better than the wildly inaccurate The Grey. However, even with its complete and utter lack of wolfish realism, the story is fast-paced and entertaining; our friends at Greenpeace might disagree.
To round out this episode, Jerry had a chance to see La Jetée, the 1962 short French film that is the direct inspiration for Terry Gilliam‘s wonderful time-travel-paradox movie 12 Monkeys. So grab your bananas and give this Diamond Anniversary Episode of The Horror Movie Show a listen.
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